I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
When are your genitals available?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
