The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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