Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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