Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
