did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
