I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
