Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize