somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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