By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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