What did we do last night that was yellow?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
