it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
