I'm laying in your front yard are you home
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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