No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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