If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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