Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
