I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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