So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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