So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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