True but thats because hes a fetus.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
