This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
