I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
