Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
