if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize