my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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