I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
