What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
