Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
There r osticjed everywhere
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
