i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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