I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
