That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
