He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize