I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
