1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
