Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
