It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
