ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
