so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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