Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
