it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
