my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
