So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
