i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
