one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
