No awkward lesbian experiences without me
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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