how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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