and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
