I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
