i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
