dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
