you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
