By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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