Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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