We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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