The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
