I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
