Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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