the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
