so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
