I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
