I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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