It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize