Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
