He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
