Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
At least life still wants to fuck me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
