PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Randomize
