I'm so fucking centered right now
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
the raccoons are back...
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