he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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