ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
