Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
