so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
