so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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