after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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