At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
