I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
