uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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