I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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