I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
